I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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