Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
operation harelip BJ is a go
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
