I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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