Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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