just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm sobbing to NWA
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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