and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
