Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
