I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
