we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
