He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She bit a glass in half.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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