Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
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