She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
YAS. BRING CRAB.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
why does every cop we meet know your name?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
