My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
