I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
