I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
you never un-have a 4some
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
