i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
