I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You made out with two different species that night
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
