Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
