ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
