This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
