Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
