Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
