(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
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