ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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