i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
