apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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