So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
