It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
