Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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