between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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