Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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