just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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