The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
