I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
