why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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