well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
