I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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