we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
