What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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