not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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