There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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