Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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