if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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