theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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