Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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