i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
