I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize