woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
