I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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