He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
