he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
