when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
