the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
