Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
