Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
How's work?
Spinning.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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