Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
