i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
