She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
