I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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