im about as happy as oj after his trial
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
