hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
