It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
