Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
