proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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