My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
