I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
