Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
