he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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