Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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