remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My ass is underappreciated
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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