Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize