You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My legs feel like baby dolphins
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
