that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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