I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
